The Why

If you have read my about page, then you know my story of how long I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks.

I used to be so ashamed of it and tried my best to carry on through my life despite my mind and body freaking out every once in a while.  I remember it stopping me from going to parties or taking risks or just plain having fun because my body was telling me, this is too scarey, we need to stay home and hide under the covers.  I was an actress and would often think of Maverick in Top Gun, after Goose dies, and he is trying to fly again but is plagued with self doubt and just can’t re-engage. 

“It’s no good,” he tells himself.  “It’s just no good.” He can’t engage in his life.  That is how I felt.  I was Maverick.

It was only through years of self care, therapy and working on myself that I was able to determine:

1)    I was not alone in feeling so stressed, anxious, panicky or depressed

2)    There was no quick fix.  Medications helped a little but really were a band aid to a much broader, deeper problem (click here to read about my experiences with pharmaceuticals).

3)    To truly live the life I wanted, it was up to me to overcome my anxieties

It took years, but I found many tools to overcome my panic and anxieties.  And when I would learn a new one that actually made me feel better, actually gave me power over my nervsousnes, I thought why did no one tell me about this?  Why didn’t my therpaists, psychiatrists or doctors know about xyz? I would get angry.  I felt like they let me down.

Truth is, they didn’t know any better.  They were doing what they had been trained to do.  Doctors and shrinks are taught to write a script.  Take this drug.  Oh, that one didn’t work? Try this one.  Oh that had severe side effects? Try another.  Therapists are great (you have to find the right one for you) but they really delve into the past to help you with the present. And while it helped to know where I came from and what had contributed to my nervous system disregulation, it didn’t help move past anything.  Understanding my past didn’t stop my panic attacks.  It didn’t stop me from feeling anxious or swinging into depression. Don’t get me wrong, I think EVERYONE should invest in therapy.  We all have pains and traumas from our childhood that need to be healed and understood.  But I found for me, there was more needed in order for me to feel better.

I remember hearing this one day (NOT from a therapist) that totally changed my life.

Depression is regretting the past and anxiety is fear of the future.

Let me write that again, cause you need to understand this. 

Depression is regretting the past and anxiety is fear of the future. 

I find this to be 100% true. 

Imagine you are driving your car and you want to drive from New York to Miami and this is an analogy to you having the life you dream of.  (put in any cities you like, this is just an example.) But you keep looking in your rearview mirror, the whole time you are driving.  That is depression.  You are fully concentrated on what is behind you.  And then you switch to looking at your phone map to see where you are going.  You are worried you will make a wrong turn or there might be a speed trap ahead and are you even on the right highway? That is anxiety ie fear of the future.  Neither of these will keep your eyes on the road where they should be so you can get to where you want to go, Miami (which is your happiness, your joy, your future).  You need to stay present, driving the car, sometimes checking your rearview when needed and keeping your phone map on a voice command so that you are PRESENT!!!!!!

If you are present, you cannot be in depression or anxiety.  Have you heard this saying:  the past is history, the future is a mystery, the here and now is a gift, that is why they call it the PRESENT!

Yeah, that’s another good mantra to remember.

My work as a stress and anxiety coach is to teach you the tools I had to seek out myself in order to stay present.  And I have a bunch of them, a whole magical tool box full.  And I use them all to this very day myself, selecting the one that feels right when I take my eyes off the road.  I am like the passenger in your road trip, reminding you to keep looking forward and maybe passing you some Twizzlers once in a while.

You gotta stay present my friends.  We never know how long we all have on this earth and you deserve to live a calm, happy, serene life.  You deserve to get to Miami.